I’m very worried about the state of affairs over at America’s finest law enforcement agency, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives. The BATFE.

I was thinking how terrible this whole “Project Gunwalker” is going to become for the BATFE. It appears that this sterling group of freedom loving American bureaucrats may have smuggled as many as 3,000 firearms into Mexico in an effort to catch the people who supposedly smuggle firearms into Mexico.

You do not want to know about this. So don’t go to David Codrea’s blog and find out all the details. And that wild eyed guy Mike Vanderboegh? (I mean he’s on the SPLC’s oogie boogie bad guy list!) You simply MUST NOT visit his blog site.

I’m warning you: Ignorance is bliss. Stay blissy, America. Stay Super Bowl, beer burp blissy.

Of course, why the “Drug Lords” of Mexico would pay full retail from gun shops in the U.S. (and leave a paper trail) when they can buy Chinese or Russian full auto AK-47s by the crateful at bargain prices at nearly any Mexican port, does present a bit of a quandary to most logical thinkers. Please! Let’s not get bogged down in details.

Because I’m sure that the brilliant and patriotic Americans who are running the BATFE have their reasons for smuggling guns to stop the smuggling of guns. And all this muttering about padding their gun trace statistics to justify a budget raise? Sheer hateful poppy cock!

Anyone who criticizes the BATFE is almost certainly a member of a “hate group”. And probably a “racist”. And even probably a “seditionist”. Yeah! That’s the ticket! And an “insurrectionist” also! Only really, really bad people criticize the BATFE. See, "The Gang" movie.

That an American Border Patrol agent (an ex-Marine by the way) was reportedly gunned down by one of these BATFE smuggled firearms is just a quirky glitch in what has been an otherwise glittering history of flawless performances.

Nobody does it like the BATFE, friends!

Ruby Ridge in Idaho! Gorgeous! Flawlessly executed! Waco, Texas! Stunning execution! Uh…I mean performance. Cancel that “executed” and “execution”. Don’t want any of you getting the wrong idea.

But do you know what really scares me now? I’m praying that Wikileaks doesn’t have anything on our sacrosanct BATFE. I’m hoping beyond hope that Wikileaks' Julian Assange realizes how important the BATFE is to our personal liberty here in America and doesn’t rock the boat. Some things are best just kept secret. Secrecy is really important to freedom because the truth threatens freedom. So lies actually protect your freedom. Got it? If not? Get with it.

You know what else I’m really afraid of? I’m simply terrified of the idea that some hacker, some nut case, some right wing extremist computer evil genius hater (who probably owns a high capacity ammunition magazine) will actually break into the BATFE’s database.  Like one of those “Stuck Up Worms” or something? I shudder to think. Because, our government (eternally trustworthy, as we’ve seen in recent years) would not know where to begin looking for citizen owned firearms! How would our politicians be able to protect us from ourselves?

I'm sure that the BATFE’s computers are quite secure. I’m sure they have hired the very best and the brightest to protect those computers. Just as they may very well have hired the best and the brightest to bring us “Project Gunwalker”. (And even bester and brightester to attempt to pull off what may be an impossible cover up.)

Long live the glorious BATFE! (Is there a jack boot around here somewhere I can lick? I feel a grovel moment coming on.)

Frequent JPFO contributor and strategist, Kirby Ferris collaborated intensively with Aaron Zelman over the last two years. Ferris is now the Operations Manager of JPFO.

See all of Kirby Ferris’ articles.